When you are struggling, what do you need from your husband? Understanding? A hug? Prayer? A sounding board or help with a problem? I'm willing to bet that our husbands could use the same thing. This is a case of "know your husband" so that you can offer what he needs, but if you don't know, perhaps a simple, "I'd love to help or encourage you, what can I do?" might do. Just understand that your husband would love to have you walk with him and encourage him (rather than discourage or put him down for his struggles).
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV
Ever find yourself at odds with your husband over the way something should be done? Reality is there are any number of ways to do a given thing. Some ways are better than others, but often there are a few ways that are reasonable and it boils down to preferences. Why not listen to your guy and give his way a try. Worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and you have to try something else.
It feels very disrespectful to have someone continually shoot down your way of doing things (and it's an easy thing to do around the house when you do most of the work there). Your husband's perspective, though different, may actually bring a fresh perspective. That's a good thing for you and listening to and considering his perspective shows a bit of respect for him.
As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others. Robert Schuller
I know this may seem early, but I just thought I'd remind y'all that Valentine's Day is just around the corner (36 days from now). It'll be here before you know it.
Give some thought to what your husband might appreciate and plan accordingly. Perhaps take into consider his interests and anything that he has mentioned lately that he thought would be fun. It never hurts to give yourself a little planning time.
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. Jim Gaffigan
I have a handful of friends who are overwhelmed by New Year resolutions because they compare themselves to others and allow those comparisons to shape their goals.
You were born an original. Don't die a copy. John Mason
I think it's perfectly fine to learn from others' examples, but you have to be sane about your goals. You're not going to be like other people, and I don't think God wants you to be. You are unique and you have a unique journey.
Whether you are talking about personal goals or goals that you shape with your husband for your marriage, start with who and where you are and make baby steps toward where you want to go (you don't have to copy John and Susan's date night or arrange your time or your living room the way that Sarah does).
I think it would be a tragedy to near life's end and realize that you have not lived your life, but attempted to live someone else's.
I love sticky notes. They are so practical and they can be used in a number of creative ways to bless others.
So, your mission this week is to leave some sticky notes around for your husband to find. You could write a brief encouragement, a small prayer, a cool quote or a sexy invitation. You could leave a trail of them. You could make them into coupons for items or activities that he would like.
Have fun with those stickies!
The eight lane highway didn't just appear overnight from out of nowhere. It required a process of building over time.
That's the way it is with a lot of areas of our lives, both good and bad. An attitude of bitterness starts with a moment of anger or dissatisfaction. A happy marriage is built one day at a time, one smile at a time, one thoughtful gesture at a time.
We need to examine our lives and begin to look at the roads we are are creating. What roads do you need to build? Anyone need an exit ramp from the destructive habits and attitudes of your life?
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. Author Unknown
I usually stand at the door and great folks Sunday mornings at my church. There is one couple that always stands out to me. The husband drops the wife off at the door and then parks.
He opens doors for her and generally shows her a number of courtesies. She does the same for him. They are a very nice study in showing kindness and deference toward each another. That's not a bad lesson to learn.
This week look for little ways to be kind to your sweetie. Get him a drink and/or snack. Say "please" and "thank you." Be a help when he needs one. Show by your daily care that you value him.
What does your husband like to do? Is there an event that caters to his interests? Sounds like a date to me.
I've gone to landscape trade shows, (fairly bizarre) sci fi movies, and more. I actually had a lot of fun. I spent time with my sweetie (always good) and often I found things I enjoy as well. You just have to stretch a bit and open your mind to the possibility of new interests. It also gives you more in common. Common knowledge is one more level of intimacy.
I come from a galaxy far, far away. John Sheppard, Stargate
I need to talk to y'all about expectations.
It's perfectly normal to have expectations, even to have them for your husband. I expect my husband to shovel the driveway. I expect my husband to move the laundry to the dryer if he's around when the buzzer goes off. I expect him to grab me for kisses a couple of times a day. We all have a general idea of who our spouse is and what we expect of them.
The down side to expectations is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not.
We cannot expect our husbands to be like our dads, our old boyfriend, or our [fill in the blank]. They are individuals and they need to be appreciated and loved for the individuals that they are. (We married them for who they are.)
We cannot expect our husbands to be the way we want them to be. See above.
We cannot expect our husbands to read our minds. They can't know something that we have not told them (hints are a bad plan, I swear guys have been vaccinated, hints just bounce off.).
OK, let's talk Valentine's Day. Please don't expect your husband to take you out to breakfast like your dad did for your mom. Please don't expect him to suddenly wax poetic if he's not the poetic type. Please don't expect him to "just know" what you want (or even to get it right 100% if he does have some sort of clue).
These are real people we are dealing with and, if we'll be honest, they are rather a whole 'nother animal. Let's love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them. If you want to go out to breakfast, tell him. If you want chocolate and flowers, tell him. Then appreciate whatever that looks like because the man you love just spent time, money and energy trying to please you.
Please don't use your disappointment to try to shape him into someone he is not. He really is your very special Valentine and he needs to be told that he is loved and appreciated (not judged because he doesn't measure up to some standard that he doesn't understand or have a hope of meeting).
Love that man.
Do not ask that your husband to live up to your expectations. Let your husband be who he is, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit. Robert Brault (substitution mine)
I saw the cutest pillow designed for the bedroom. It said, "Tonight!" If you can't find one ready made, you could sew on or iron on letters and create your own using that message or some other sexy/romantic message.
On my bed night after night I sought him whom my soul loves ... Song of Songs 3:1a NAS
The other day I heard someone being very abrupt to their spouse. The person wasn't being particularly rude, just abrupt and it felt rather cold. (This was in an airport, so I'm guessing they were feeling tense and in a hurry.) It made me think about how important it is to couch your words kindly and peaceably. A simple "please" or "thank you" can mean so much. Tone of voice is very important as well. You can communicate a truckload of attitude with voice nuance. Let's use our voices to communicate affection and consideration.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 NIV
Ask God to grow the friendship part of your marriage.
I've always thought that husband and wife should be best friends, able to share their deepest hurts, their greatest longings and their silliest, but most wonderful dreams.
This is my beloved, and this is my friend ... Song of Songs 5:16 NKJV